Beijing

BEIJING aka PEKING (NORTHERN CAPITAL) POP: 22 MILLION
JAN 16TH to JAN 26th

Known for palaces, temples, huge stone walls and gates.

They say breathing the air in Beijing is like smoking 70 cigarettes a day. You get that little tickle in your throat whenever you go outside. Thank you coal factories.

After escaping my tormentor in Qingdao, Kenny my homosexual Beijing friend picks me up in a cab. Getting colder.

Things to see and do in Beijing:

Forbidden City:
-Imperial palaces of the Ming and Qing dynasties.
-Served emperors for almost 500 years.
-Built in 1406-1420.
-Covers 7,800,000 square feet.

Tiananmen Square:
-Named after the Gate of Heaven's Pacification
-Largest city square in the world (440,000 meters squared).
-Site of June 4, 1989 protests.










Temple of Heaven:
-Altar of Heaven.
-Complex of Taoist buildings.
-Used by Emperor to pray to Heaven for a good harvest.

Summer Palace:
-Gardens of Nurtured Harmony.
-Home of palaces, gardens and classical architectural styles.

Gate of Heavenly Peace:
-National symbol.
-Entrance to Imperial City.
-Built during Ming dynasty 1420.

Qianmen Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant:
-aka Peking Duck.
-Chinese National Dish.
-Ducks slaughtered after 65 days.
-Served by the chef himself.









Lama Temple:
-Palace of Peace and Harmony.
-Largest Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the world.




Wangfujing Snack Street:
-Princely Residence Well (after sweet water was found here).
-Famous market.


Hutong Alleyways:
-Traditionally narrow street or alley.

Outside Beijing, The Great Wall of China:
-Stretches 8,158 km
-Actual wall 6,259 km
-Built for protection

THE SCAM:
I heard about this in Shanghai and boy I should have listened, my friend Devin warned me about people who want to practice their English and ask if you want to go out for tea or lunch...

So today as I was leaving The Forbidden City and I met this woman in her 30's and she asked where I was from, yada yada. "Do you know where I can get some Peking Duck?" I ask her, I hear this city is the place and I'm dying to try some. Long story short her friend joins us. I assumed from the toilet) and we begin to walk together.

Friendly ladies, fairly good English

They say they're from out of town and we should all get a bite together. I'm up for new things and meeting new people in strange and exotic places so I think sure why not. I've got a couple of hours to kill until Super Mario returns home. (Kenny was a Mario player)

We go into this little restaurant that doesn't look like a restaurant. We sit in this little booth in the back with this curtain pulled across. It looks like someones house. They've got an English menu so I point out a tofu dish, an eggplant dish and they choose this meatball dish.

They ask if I want beer to drink and I say, nah I'll have some tea. So this woman from the restaurant comes out with these little tea tasters and we try like 10 different kinds. This ones good for your stomach, this ones good for your liver, yada yada, you get the picture.

Our food arrives and we talk about this and that and these ladies really know how to hold a conversation. Apparently they only wanted to stay 4 days, but have to stay for 7, they live 40 hours away by train. yada yada. The foods mediocre.

This is where it gets interesting.

So the meatball dish they order, they thought it was three balls, but it's only one big one, they say i can take it, and they order two more big meatballs, they never come.
The waitress brings out some boxes that hold tea containers and one of the ladies says she's buying one for her mom back home, says her dad prefers to drink alcohol.

I forgot to mention that when we arrived to the restaurant we are seated at the front, but the ladies ask to be moved to the back away from the draft. And there's not another soul in the restaurant.

These ladies are pros.

The bill arrives and the total for some tea sippers and 3 plates of (mediocre) food comes to $2,200 RMB (Chinese Dollars) Let me put this into perspective for you. $100 CDn is about $650 RMB. So all said and done this meal is just under $400 Canadian.

So the T-Dogg forks over his money and leaves the restaurant, the ladies rubbing their claws together with the meat of another victory in their crooked beaks. Wait. The T-Dogg paid? Wh ho ho ho hold on just a second.

So they see the look of disbelief on yours truly's face and they offer a compromise. They say that they are willing to split the bill 3 ways, now of course that brings the T-Doggs portion down to just over $700RMB. Over a $100 (Cdn) beans. Where's Lily when you need her?

Now this is going on and the T-Doggs thinking, don't panic son you've been in worse pickles than this and lived. All you gotta do is BS'em at their own game.

We take cash or credit I hear. Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Diner's Cards, Platinum, the list goes on and on...How much cash do you have? Do you want us to lend you some? nyuk nyuk nyuk. I say well that's all fine and dandy ladies and I would love to clear this matter up as soon as possible. But you see I'm on my daily budget of $100 RMB a day, (16 bucks) that Forbidden City took 40 of that so all the cash I've got left is 60. And I'd hate to shortchange a bunch of sweeties like you, but the only bank I can use is the Bank of China because (she's about to speak up) my card is a special Canadian card. What's the name they ask? It's called a Canada Trust card. What kind of card is it? Can we see it? And they're licking away the froth at the corners of their mouths as I am trying to squeeze pass this woman for I am seriously pigeonholed in this corner.
"I just need to get to that bank machine and I'll sort matters directly."

And I'm waiting for the 500 lb Chinese pimp to jump from behind the curtain at any moment waving his cleaver.

So one of the ladies says she'll go with me, and the other one says she has to stay behind, we can't all run out on the bill after all.

So I'm outside and I can smell freedom. We start walking down the street and I say $700 eh, that seems a bit steep for some tea. And then her cell phone rings and she starts talking to her friend who's back in the restaurant, and they're talking in Chinese about me. Except they don't know I know what she's saying, she picks up pace to get away from me and a young couple passes me. Well she must think it's me accompanying her to the bank machine because she keeps on walking, so the T-Dogg rocks on his heel and crosses the street beelining it for the subway station. He thinks about going down side alleys but then doesn't. And then the little pitter patter of feet from behind.

He's approached and confronted. The T-Dogg shushes her and says matter of factly that he doesn't like being lied to, then he points at her and calls her a liar. and for good measure he throws in that lying isn't nice, cool as a cucumber. She says I (T-Dogg) can go to the police, and I want nothing of the sort. Just that I'm not paying any money. She tells me I ate and I drank and I have to pay. Then I remember the police comment. Pull out a crisp $100 RMB note and before she can wipe the furrow from her brow I'm gone into the shadows.

I hear this happens to travelers routinely and they don't even know they've been taken for a ride, may this be a lesson to all of you.

Qingdao, Famous For Beer

QINGDAO CITY POP 7,579,900 SHANDONG PROVINCE 94 MILLION
JANUARY 11TH, TUESDAY

Famous for Tsingtao beer.

I'm coming down with a fever, too many late nights. I can't sleep and have the chills all night. I need rest.
Catch soft-seat express.

Bobby Li tells me to catch a bus, I can't find it. Bobby Li tells me to meet him, I can't find him. Bobby Li introduces me to his friend Mr. Li our driver and then Bobby Li buys me lunch. I'm sick so I'm not that hungry, especially for the spicy food they serve.

Back at his place I just want to lay down, but he won't let me. Out on the street I walk around in the wind by the coast for a couple of hours, can't find a coffee shop to rest in.

I just want to lay down.

Meet up with Bobby, wants to buy an iPad, catch a bus to downtown, I pass out. He doesn't buy.

Meet friends for dinner, there's Bobby's girl he's just started seeing, her friend who's a 26 year old virgin. Bobby's American friend who sleeps with alot of Chinese girls. Bobby's fitness trainer and some old guy named Frank who has a 4oomm lens on his camera and insists on taking pictures of us while we eat. All the meanwhile I'm battling my fever and trying to keep up with the toasts.

We head to a bar to play some games with dice, Bobby almost gets in a fight and then they abandon me in the bar.

Lily says she'll get me a room but instead takes me to her place. She tells me she's never had a stranger over before. Lucky me.

JANUARY 12TH

I'm her prisoner, think Misery with Kathy Bates and you'll have a pretty good idea of my situation.
She won't let me leave.
Wake up, body's achin', the fever has fully kicked in, I'm coughing up green stuff and my head is pounding.

Luckily Lily has no job or ambition to do anything and I sleep all day, and the next one too. She's like my little protective angel.

We go grocery shopping and she makes dinner for some friends, which actually turns out to be a dinner party trying to hook up two gay guys. They can't tell if the German guy is gay, don't worry I tell them, he is. The Chinese guy has one glass of wine and is on his ass.

Lily likes to party, she don't work. Takes me to a high end bar. I pass out from exhaustion. She buys me a drink, I don't finish... I must be sick.
The gay guy hits on me.

She buys me pizza.
Makes me dinner, lunch and breakfast.
Gives me beer.
Takes me to a movie.
Shows me the sites.
Leaves food from previous meals lying around, has a maid.
She's lonely.
She's also a little clueless and rambles on about nothing as I daydream looking out the window. I wish I could do that in another language.

But! She nurses me back to health.

But! She's so annoying.

I tell her my train leaves 15 minutes earlier than it does, good thing as she's slow to the punch. She doesn't want me to leave. With my restored health I give her a wave good-bye and tell her I'll be in touch. I couldn't be bothered.

She asks if I will come back from Beijing to visit her...

Shanghai, The Whore of the Orient.

Wake 0600.

HSR, High Speed Rail to Shanghai
0930-1040

SHANGHAI (By the Sea)
POP: 15 Million

Famous for adventurers, swindlers, gamblers, drug runners, tycoons, missionaries, gangsters and of course pimps.

Used as a trading port by the British in 1842, the French in 1847 and the Japanese in 1895
-opium, silk, tea-

The CCP (Chinese Communist Party) was formed here in 1921 and they liberated the city in 1949.Was the city power base for the 'Gang of Four'
-The members consisted of Jiang Qing, Mao Zedong's last wife as the leading figure of the group, and her close associates Zhang Chunqiao, Yao Wenyuan, and Wang Hongwen.

We check-in to a business hotel and then hit the streets of 'Old Town'

JANUARY 4TH

I drop off Miranda at the airport and am overcome by a deep sadness.
I check out of the hotel and into a hostel.
I do what any self-righteous person does when left with loneliness, I have a drink.

I go to a place by the name of Time Passage and then into the dungeon of another place.

JANUARY 5TH

I go to a place by the name of Kangaroo and meet some people.
Jay-Z Jazz bar.
I hang out with an American and a Belgian who says he doesn't like me.

JANUARY 6TH

I wake up at Shen Shen's place and her Canadian friend Bonnie who's studying here takes me around to some of the sites.

That night I meet more people
-girls drink for free and a pint of Tiger costs 40RMB = $7, I sneak out a couple times.
I meet German Julie and French Anna who has a love for cinema.
Then we all go dancing.

A middle-eastern guy almost stabs me with his keys.
-but really, if you're not gonna dance, get off the floor.
I hop into a taxi for a ride home and am propositioned by a woman in the front seat for a blow-job 300RMB = $50, I politely decline. She drops the price to 100RMB = $17, I don't change my answer.
I try to repeatedly tell the cabbie where I want to go in Chinese only to find out I am actually already there.

JANUARY 7TH

I move into my American friends place, Devin. 36 year old Engineer working in China. His friend Biney has just moved here and is currently looking for a job.
Devin returns and introduces me to his friend Aaron and Sweet Aimee a life-like molded cyber vagina.
We go out for dinner and meet his friends. We go to John from Texas' house. Cold. Their other friends job in China is to investigate fraudulent c0-Chinese / American companies.

JANUARY 8TH

Go around with Devin and Biney.
German Julie has a house warming party. Someone pees off the roof because someone is passed out in the bathroom.
Not Me bar, meet Derek in the line-up for the toilets, DJ from Cleveland, he plays a nice selection and changes music to suit the people.
I hit my head on an overhanging bar, wash my hands and see a girl staring at me in horror. I look into the mirror and see blood running down my face. I smile and shrug my shoulders.

Tunnel bar, 3AM getting sleepy, home.

JANUARY 9TH

Devin sees a sasquatch and asks if I want to go and watch American football. I watch Social Network and Black Swan, overrated. Eat pizza.

The Sights I Saw Things I Did While In Shanghai:
-The Bund, Wall Street of Shanghai
-East Nanjing Rd, Shopping District
-Renmin Square (People's Square) home of the Shanghai Museum

-French Concession, good for a walk/exploration, Propaganda Poster Art Centre
-Shanghai PavillionMONDAY JANUARY 10TH

Devin and Biney take me to Crabby Dumpling and then I head to Qingdao.

New Years in Nanjing

DECEMBER 31ST
NANJING (SOUTHERN CAPITAL) POP: 7,713,000
JIANGSU PROVINCE (LAND OF FISH & RICE) POP: 74 MILLION

Happy New Years!

We spend 3 hours walking around looking for a place to sleep. The problem being: No Foreigners Allowed!
This wasn't racism though, you need a special permit to allow foreigners to stay in your place. We eventually find a place.

Go shopping. Pre-drink in hotel.
Go to Ellens, cheap prices, double-fist.

Spend countdown in cab.

Bar 61, drink Chivas, tip heavy, drinks stronger and stronger, mix? Jacks, meet owner, passin' out, free beer. Feel woozy, puke outside.

JANUARY 1ST

Headache. Recover.
I've run out of my Chinese funds and have to dip into my Russian money. Might run out...? What will I do?
Watch Power of One, books better.

JANUARY 2ND

Visit the grounds of the Nanjing Massacre aka The Rape of Nanking.
-Dec 13, 1937 - 6 week period following the capture of Nanjing by Japanese soldiers.












Visit Sun Yat Sen memorial:
-Founding Father of The Republic of China, Doctor, Political and Revolutionary leader.

Night Train to Xi'An

We arrive back in Chengdu and take an express bus to the train station. We catch the first sleeper train we can and say our farewells to Omri.

The sleeper trains are beautiful, bunk-beds stacked 3 high. The train is warm, clean and quiet. We settle in, have some instant noodles for dinner (each train comes with its own hot water heater) and make our beds (sheets provided).












DECEMBER 26TH
XI'AN City Pop: 3,256,000 Shaanxi (Province) Pop: 37.2 Million

Home of Qin Shi Huang: King of Qin 246BC - 221 BC
Famous for the Great Wall, Terracotta Warriors, unified China and roads.
Also burned books and buried scholars alive.

You wake up on a train arriving at 1215 and begin looking for a place to stay. Your outdated guidebook sends you walking in circles until finally you find an all girls hostel with no windows that will accept you.

You explore the Muslim quarters in your area and try some delicious food. You buy a fake North Face bag after haggling and then being dragged back into a store you're trying to leave.

Good bbq chicken bought on the street.
Try candy-coated strawberries and am impressed.

Cold sesame noodles are good too.









Throw in a kebab sandwich for good measure and you can't go wrong.

Miranda gets sick, I haven't seen a doctor in 4 1/2 years.

I don't like pearls but am served a pearl milk tea and it's warmth against the cold exterior weather warms me to the bone.





DECEMBER 27TH

Miranda is fighting a case of the squirts. I have a local Muslim delicacy in the form of noodles in a delicious broth served with tiny pieces of broken up bread.

We try Baskin-Robbins.


The walls around Xi'An were built in 1370, they are 12meters high and 18meters thick at the base. The total length of the wall as it surrounds the city is 14kilometers.


After searching for a way to climb the wall, we pay are admission and hike up to the top to take a walk. They say you can walk the perimeter in 4 hours. We walk 1 quarter of that, it's really windy.

DECEMBER 28TH

Time to see the Terracotta Warriors: Found in 1974 by some local farmers, there are estimated to be over 8,000 warrior statues also varying in height and appearance. Meant so serve the King in the afterlife.

We walk to the train/bus station to find the bus to the Warriors. A man starts talking to Miranda in Chinese and before we know it we have a deal to see the Warriors and a couple other sights. The deal sounds too good to be true...

It is.

They take us to a bunch of minor attractions, one being a small museum depicting the Wonders of the World, including Hercules...

When we finally get to the Warriors they only give us an hour and then inform us that the price for the attraction isn't included in the fee.Miranda is pissed.
After we get back, bbq chicken, pot o beef.

I find a stall where a guy sells the cheapest/highest percentage beer, 4.3. (Most beer in China is 3.2)

DECEMBER 29TH

Wake. Bus. Supposed to be 4 hours. Breakdown. 5 hours. Finish Dorian Gray.

LUOYANG CITY 1.4 Million in HENAN PROVINCE 9 Million

Windy. Find hotel. No hot water. Eat mediocre food.

DECEMBER 30TH

Take a trip to try and see the Longmen Caves. $110 RMB. We decide for caves that seems a little steep and decide to spend our money on other things.
Walk around.
Coffee at KFC.
Night train to...

The Songpan Horse Trek

Wednesday, December 22nd
Northern SICHUAN

0730 bus to

SONGPAN city

pop: 71,650
1500 arrive

Coldest yet, elevation is about 4000, many people speak Tibetan dialect.

I'm here for a horse trek. We check into a place called the Hua'er hotel which is the name of the lady who runs the place. Miranda sees snow for the first time in her life.

No heating, but heated blankets and hot water.

The horse trek is 200 RMB (100) per day more than I expected. So instead of doing a 3 day trek we decide on a two day. It is the middle of winter after all.

I eat yak stew.









Thursday, December 23rd

We meet Omri a fellow traveler from Israel and it turns out he is on the same trek as us. He tells me there is a restaurant in town that serves good Israeli food (shakshuka).

We meet at 1000 that morning and they bring over our ponies. And they constantly fight throughout the whole trek. Trying to bite each other and cut each other off. We travel up into the mountains and come across a local goat herder who sits on the trail feeding the young while the rest graze. We come across a couple of young girls with baskets full of horse apples (manure). We go up, we go down, and finally we make it to our destination.

We get charged for a National Park, and go on a nature walk to some natural hot springs, the waters luke. However Miranda and Omri see ice for the first time and are skeptical about standing on it for fear of breaking through. I show them it's quite safe and traipse out into the middle and begin jumping up and down like a madman, until it spider-cracks and I haul ass back to the walkway.








Back at our one cabin room we have some tough yak chunks for dinner and they begin to feed us baijiou (Chinese white liquor). Drink it slow they say. I'm surprised when a driver shows up with more liquor and a girl who doesn't speak English. At first I think she's a prostitute but that's just my imagination gone wild. The guys joke and say she's their girlfriend but when I ask her in Chinese she says she isn't.

Two of the guys step outside and are gone for a little bit, I hear banging against the outer wall only to find out that they were fighting and one of the guys broke his hand and a couple of ribs. I guess living out there all by your lonesome takes its toll. And then around an hour later they go out and do it again. Ah the joys of liquor. As part of our initiation into the drink we go around the circle and all have to sing a song. I of course sing a Christmas song to my Israeli friends delight. When it comes time for bed we sleep next door on the floor amidst a bunch of animal furs/jackets and tangled sleeping bags. Next door more arguing and yelling ensues and I giggle myself to sleep.

Friday December, 24th.

We head back to the city and along the way my co-pilot Chiao Chiao's horse almost falls into a creek. It turns out horses no matter what kind of shoes they wear can't tread too well on ice. After seeing this Omri and myself quickly disembark our ponies. I don't tell her how close to death she was. And if she survived the fall, she can't swim.

After we arrive back into town we reserve a driver to take us to the beautiful area of Jiouzhaigou for the next day. Then I try the Israeli food. Delicious. We then find a jar with a baby deer inside that you can choose to take a shot of which 'make man strong' good for his libido and all sorts of ailments.

That night we go to a Chinese karaoke bar for kicks and some of the locals give us some meat-on-a-stick and cigarettes to welcome us, very thoughtful. The music they sing isn't.
On the walk back home a blizzard has started. I pretend to enjoy it and tell them Canada is like this all year long.



Saturday December, 25th.

Merry Christmas,
Our taxi to the famous nature preserve is a no-go, he won't take a chance on driving even though we are paying him well. A Chinese turning down money??? Guess he's serious.

We run to the bus station and find out that a bus is leaving back to Chengdu. Now. We ask if he will wait and run back home to grab our bags and pack. We meet him as he's pulling out of the station and jump on-board.
I hope the lady at our hotel doesn't mind that we paid an extra night for a room we'll never use. Shrugs shoulders. (don't worry I left the key in the room)

On the drive back to Chengdu at a road-side pit-stop, we are positioned by a frozen lake and the Israeli guy asks if our hockey rinks in Canada are similar in size, I tell him they're a little bit bigger.