Beijing

BEIJING aka PEKING (NORTHERN CAPITAL) POP: 22 MILLION
JAN 16TH to JAN 26th

Known for palaces, temples, huge stone walls and gates.

They say breathing the air in Beijing is like smoking 70 cigarettes a day. You get that little tickle in your throat whenever you go outside. Thank you coal factories.

After escaping my tormentor in Qingdao, Kenny my homosexual Beijing friend picks me up in a cab. Getting colder.

Things to see and do in Beijing:

Forbidden City:
-Imperial palaces of the Ming and Qing dynasties.
-Served emperors for almost 500 years.
-Built in 1406-1420.
-Covers 7,800,000 square feet.

Tiananmen Square:
-Named after the Gate of Heaven's Pacification
-Largest city square in the world (440,000 meters squared).
-Site of June 4, 1989 protests.










Temple of Heaven:
-Altar of Heaven.
-Complex of Taoist buildings.
-Used by Emperor to pray to Heaven for a good harvest.

Summer Palace:
-Gardens of Nurtured Harmony.
-Home of palaces, gardens and classical architectural styles.

Gate of Heavenly Peace:
-National symbol.
-Entrance to Imperial City.
-Built during Ming dynasty 1420.

Qianmen Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant:
-aka Peking Duck.
-Chinese National Dish.
-Ducks slaughtered after 65 days.
-Served by the chef himself.









Lama Temple:
-Palace of Peace and Harmony.
-Largest Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the world.




Wangfujing Snack Street:
-Princely Residence Well (after sweet water was found here).
-Famous market.


Hutong Alleyways:
-Traditionally narrow street or alley.

Outside Beijing, The Great Wall of China:
-Stretches 8,158 km
-Actual wall 6,259 km
-Built for protection

THE SCAM:
I heard about this in Shanghai and boy I should have listened, my friend Devin warned me about people who want to practice their English and ask if you want to go out for tea or lunch...

So today as I was leaving The Forbidden City and I met this woman in her 30's and she asked where I was from, yada yada. "Do you know where I can get some Peking Duck?" I ask her, I hear this city is the place and I'm dying to try some. Long story short her friend joins us. I assumed from the toilet) and we begin to walk together.

Friendly ladies, fairly good English

They say they're from out of town and we should all get a bite together. I'm up for new things and meeting new people in strange and exotic places so I think sure why not. I've got a couple of hours to kill until Super Mario returns home. (Kenny was a Mario player)

We go into this little restaurant that doesn't look like a restaurant. We sit in this little booth in the back with this curtain pulled across. It looks like someones house. They've got an English menu so I point out a tofu dish, an eggplant dish and they choose this meatball dish.

They ask if I want beer to drink and I say, nah I'll have some tea. So this woman from the restaurant comes out with these little tea tasters and we try like 10 different kinds. This ones good for your stomach, this ones good for your liver, yada yada, you get the picture.

Our food arrives and we talk about this and that and these ladies really know how to hold a conversation. Apparently they only wanted to stay 4 days, but have to stay for 7, they live 40 hours away by train. yada yada. The foods mediocre.

This is where it gets interesting.

So the meatball dish they order, they thought it was three balls, but it's only one big one, they say i can take it, and they order two more big meatballs, they never come.
The waitress brings out some boxes that hold tea containers and one of the ladies says she's buying one for her mom back home, says her dad prefers to drink alcohol.

I forgot to mention that when we arrived to the restaurant we are seated at the front, but the ladies ask to be moved to the back away from the draft. And there's not another soul in the restaurant.

These ladies are pros.

The bill arrives and the total for some tea sippers and 3 plates of (mediocre) food comes to $2,200 RMB (Chinese Dollars) Let me put this into perspective for you. $100 CDn is about $650 RMB. So all said and done this meal is just under $400 Canadian.

So the T-Dogg forks over his money and leaves the restaurant, the ladies rubbing their claws together with the meat of another victory in their crooked beaks. Wait. The T-Dogg paid? Wh ho ho ho hold on just a second.

So they see the look of disbelief on yours truly's face and they offer a compromise. They say that they are willing to split the bill 3 ways, now of course that brings the T-Doggs portion down to just over $700RMB. Over a $100 (Cdn) beans. Where's Lily when you need her?

Now this is going on and the T-Doggs thinking, don't panic son you've been in worse pickles than this and lived. All you gotta do is BS'em at their own game.

We take cash or credit I hear. Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Diner's Cards, Platinum, the list goes on and on...How much cash do you have? Do you want us to lend you some? nyuk nyuk nyuk. I say well that's all fine and dandy ladies and I would love to clear this matter up as soon as possible. But you see I'm on my daily budget of $100 RMB a day, (16 bucks) that Forbidden City took 40 of that so all the cash I've got left is 60. And I'd hate to shortchange a bunch of sweeties like you, but the only bank I can use is the Bank of China because (she's about to speak up) my card is a special Canadian card. What's the name they ask? It's called a Canada Trust card. What kind of card is it? Can we see it? And they're licking away the froth at the corners of their mouths as I am trying to squeeze pass this woman for I am seriously pigeonholed in this corner.
"I just need to get to that bank machine and I'll sort matters directly."

And I'm waiting for the 500 lb Chinese pimp to jump from behind the curtain at any moment waving his cleaver.

So one of the ladies says she'll go with me, and the other one says she has to stay behind, we can't all run out on the bill after all.

So I'm outside and I can smell freedom. We start walking down the street and I say $700 eh, that seems a bit steep for some tea. And then her cell phone rings and she starts talking to her friend who's back in the restaurant, and they're talking in Chinese about me. Except they don't know I know what she's saying, she picks up pace to get away from me and a young couple passes me. Well she must think it's me accompanying her to the bank machine because she keeps on walking, so the T-Dogg rocks on his heel and crosses the street beelining it for the subway station. He thinks about going down side alleys but then doesn't. And then the little pitter patter of feet from behind.

He's approached and confronted. The T-Dogg shushes her and says matter of factly that he doesn't like being lied to, then he points at her and calls her a liar. and for good measure he throws in that lying isn't nice, cool as a cucumber. She says I (T-Dogg) can go to the police, and I want nothing of the sort. Just that I'm not paying any money. She tells me I ate and I drank and I have to pay. Then I remember the police comment. Pull out a crisp $100 RMB note and before she can wipe the furrow from her brow I'm gone into the shadows.

I hear this happens to travelers routinely and they don't even know they've been taken for a ride, may this be a lesson to all of you.

Qingdao, Famous For Beer

QINGDAO CITY POP 7,579,900 SHANDONG PROVINCE 94 MILLION
JANUARY 11TH, TUESDAY

Famous for Tsingtao beer.

I'm coming down with a fever, too many late nights. I can't sleep and have the chills all night. I need rest.
Catch soft-seat express.

Bobby Li tells me to catch a bus, I can't find it. Bobby Li tells me to meet him, I can't find him. Bobby Li introduces me to his friend Mr. Li our driver and then Bobby Li buys me lunch. I'm sick so I'm not that hungry, especially for the spicy food they serve.

Back at his place I just want to lay down, but he won't let me. Out on the street I walk around in the wind by the coast for a couple of hours, can't find a coffee shop to rest in.

I just want to lay down.

Meet up with Bobby, wants to buy an iPad, catch a bus to downtown, I pass out. He doesn't buy.

Meet friends for dinner, there's Bobby's girl he's just started seeing, her friend who's a 26 year old virgin. Bobby's American friend who sleeps with alot of Chinese girls. Bobby's fitness trainer and some old guy named Frank who has a 4oomm lens on his camera and insists on taking pictures of us while we eat. All the meanwhile I'm battling my fever and trying to keep up with the toasts.

We head to a bar to play some games with dice, Bobby almost gets in a fight and then they abandon me in the bar.

Lily says she'll get me a room but instead takes me to her place. She tells me she's never had a stranger over before. Lucky me.

JANUARY 12TH

I'm her prisoner, think Misery with Kathy Bates and you'll have a pretty good idea of my situation.
She won't let me leave.
Wake up, body's achin', the fever has fully kicked in, I'm coughing up green stuff and my head is pounding.

Luckily Lily has no job or ambition to do anything and I sleep all day, and the next one too. She's like my little protective angel.

We go grocery shopping and she makes dinner for some friends, which actually turns out to be a dinner party trying to hook up two gay guys. They can't tell if the German guy is gay, don't worry I tell them, he is. The Chinese guy has one glass of wine and is on his ass.

Lily likes to party, she don't work. Takes me to a high end bar. I pass out from exhaustion. She buys me a drink, I don't finish... I must be sick.
The gay guy hits on me.

She buys me pizza.
Makes me dinner, lunch and breakfast.
Gives me beer.
Takes me to a movie.
Shows me the sites.
Leaves food from previous meals lying around, has a maid.
She's lonely.
She's also a little clueless and rambles on about nothing as I daydream looking out the window. I wish I could do that in another language.

But! She nurses me back to health.

But! She's so annoying.

I tell her my train leaves 15 minutes earlier than it does, good thing as she's slow to the punch. She doesn't want me to leave. With my restored health I give her a wave good-bye and tell her I'll be in touch. I couldn't be bothered.

She asks if I will come back from Beijing to visit her...

Shanghai, The Whore of the Orient.

Wake 0600.

HSR, High Speed Rail to Shanghai
0930-1040

SHANGHAI (By the Sea)
POP: 15 Million

Famous for adventurers, swindlers, gamblers, drug runners, tycoons, missionaries, gangsters and of course pimps.

Used as a trading port by the British in 1842, the French in 1847 and the Japanese in 1895
-opium, silk, tea-

The CCP (Chinese Communist Party) was formed here in 1921 and they liberated the city in 1949.Was the city power base for the 'Gang of Four'
-The members consisted of Jiang Qing, Mao Zedong's last wife as the leading figure of the group, and her close associates Zhang Chunqiao, Yao Wenyuan, and Wang Hongwen.

We check-in to a business hotel and then hit the streets of 'Old Town'

JANUARY 4TH

I drop off Miranda at the airport and am overcome by a deep sadness.
I check out of the hotel and into a hostel.
I do what any self-righteous person does when left with loneliness, I have a drink.

I go to a place by the name of Time Passage and then into the dungeon of another place.

JANUARY 5TH

I go to a place by the name of Kangaroo and meet some people.
Jay-Z Jazz bar.
I hang out with an American and a Belgian who says he doesn't like me.

JANUARY 6TH

I wake up at Shen Shen's place and her Canadian friend Bonnie who's studying here takes me around to some of the sites.

That night I meet more people
-girls drink for free and a pint of Tiger costs 40RMB = $7, I sneak out a couple times.
I meet German Julie and French Anna who has a love for cinema.
Then we all go dancing.

A middle-eastern guy almost stabs me with his keys.
-but really, if you're not gonna dance, get off the floor.
I hop into a taxi for a ride home and am propositioned by a woman in the front seat for a blow-job 300RMB = $50, I politely decline. She drops the price to 100RMB = $17, I don't change my answer.
I try to repeatedly tell the cabbie where I want to go in Chinese only to find out I am actually already there.

JANUARY 7TH

I move into my American friends place, Devin. 36 year old Engineer working in China. His friend Biney has just moved here and is currently looking for a job.
Devin returns and introduces me to his friend Aaron and Sweet Aimee a life-like molded cyber vagina.
We go out for dinner and meet his friends. We go to John from Texas' house. Cold. Their other friends job in China is to investigate fraudulent c0-Chinese / American companies.

JANUARY 8TH

Go around with Devin and Biney.
German Julie has a house warming party. Someone pees off the roof because someone is passed out in the bathroom.
Not Me bar, meet Derek in the line-up for the toilets, DJ from Cleveland, he plays a nice selection and changes music to suit the people.
I hit my head on an overhanging bar, wash my hands and see a girl staring at me in horror. I look into the mirror and see blood running down my face. I smile and shrug my shoulders.

Tunnel bar, 3AM getting sleepy, home.

JANUARY 9TH

Devin sees a sasquatch and asks if I want to go and watch American football. I watch Social Network and Black Swan, overrated. Eat pizza.

The Sights I Saw Things I Did While In Shanghai:
-The Bund, Wall Street of Shanghai
-East Nanjing Rd, Shopping District
-Renmin Square (People's Square) home of the Shanghai Museum

-French Concession, good for a walk/exploration, Propaganda Poster Art Centre
-Shanghai PavillionMONDAY JANUARY 10TH

Devin and Biney take me to Crabby Dumpling and then I head to Qingdao.